Naomi Carrillo, President of the World

How and when did I become this lusterless, heartless person? What is love, sympathy, and affection...

Wed, 22 May 2013 02:13:50 -0700

How and when did I become this lusterless, heartless person?

What is love, sympathy, and affection and why is it that I simply do not care for it?

Why is it that the people whom maintain a throne in my heart now blur into nothing more than strangers I don’t care for?

How do you get rid of the vanity, selfishness, and materialism?

How can I improve my quality of life?

A Sign of Maturity

Mon, 06 May 2013 02:14:05 -0700

Today, I had a really good, probably 3 mile walk/talk with a friend, a combination of both. Vanity drives the walking, but mental health invokes the talking. But the vanity was negligible today; and whether it can be seen as a good or bad thing really doesn’t matter. Today I was thinking about family.

Ask me about family at the beginning of my college career.
Ask me about the relationship with all of them.

My mother was there only to restrict me from everything I did. Begging to go out became something I never felt was worth it for a simple night at the movies. Trying to sneak away with a guy (platonically) was like trying to bust out of Guantanamo itself, or Azkaban, whatever warms your heart. My mother was there to tell me all males were there to only steal me away and other variations of those ancient times where people married strangers. My mother still lived in Mexico, mentally. And any man who came to out door was there to take helpless me and store me away.

My father was only there to tell me I can never fulfill obligations of a woman: to cook, to clean, to take care of children. My father was there to tell me that I can’t be a woman because I don’t know how to cook, well, I like to think because I was too lazy to cook. He was there to enforce the very patriarchal society I wanted to bring down. He was the male-dominated mindset that I completely detested and down-right disgusted me. He was the man I’d never want to meet again in my life, in the sense of finding any friend or have a relationship with someone like him.

My older brother was only there to degrade me. He was there to put the blame on when something went wrong. He was only there to go out and do the things I never did, but had the freedom to, BECAUSE HE WAS A MALE. He was there to tell me I had a stick up my ass, and to chill out. He was there to do everything I couldn’t to and rub it in my face.

My three younger brothers were only there as a nuisance. They were there only to take up space, eat, and be annoying. They were only there to be taken care of by me, and limit my doing anything. They were there to make my parents struggle and me struggle. They were the product of bad decisions, as bluntly stated.

Did I hate my family? Of course not.
Did I want to leave? I NEEDED IT.

Ask me about my relationship with my family now, my second year into college.

My mother is my mom. She is the strongest, most hard-working, unselfish mother anyone could ever have.

My father is my dad. He is the most hard-working, unselfish, loving man I could ever meet. The one man that can never break my heart.

My parents goals and dreams are our goals and dreams.

My brother is my brother, my best friend. The term best friend is not to be used in any way lightly at all. He is my best friend. The one who gets me into trouble but does everything to protect me; an extension of my dad.

My younger brothers are a new page; they’re the innocence and joy that my older brother and I once had. They need to be given love and attention. When my parents are working, they only have us, well, my brother. I’m never home.

This isn’t about me, I want to post to glorify my family. Because without my family, I wouldn’t be anywhere close to where I am today.

When I was younger, I used to think my mom was so cheap. We all know she has a stash of money somewhere that no one knows the amount she’s valued it, but it’s somewhere, we like to think it’s a lot, although she says otherwise. My mom never buys things for herself, and always refused to buy brand name anything. And we just thought it was because she was cheap. But it took me almost 20 years to figure out she was never cheap, but smart and unselfish at all. My mom had that stash as a rainy day fund. And the money she never stashed was ALL for us, for food, for clothes, for bills.

My dad worked and still works ridiculous 14 to 16 hour days to keep up well fed and with a roof over our head. He comes home tired and doesnt deserve the shit that I have given him over the years. I cant blame him for wanting just a home cooked meal.

I love my parents. Parents are not eternal, one day im going to lose them but while theyre still here I want to appreciate them to the fullest and give back everything they have done for me and more.

I want to have a very close relationship with all my brothers. I dont want them to ever be distant from my life.

I love my family. They will always come before anyone else.

I like your generosity. I like how caring you are. I read your posts a long time ago and they were just too real. That's when I first decided I knew I wanted you and needed you as one of my close friends. I can't imagine life without you, seriously. Your words keep me sane and make me feel like I'm not alone. I know it is hard for you to open up to people, but I know if I show you that you can trust me, maybe things will change. Nevertheless, your writing is beautiful and is real, just like you.

Mon, 06 May 2013 02:04:43 -0700

Thank you. Its nice to know someone genuinely cares. I love you, keep your head up. ♡

umistakemeforstraight: fearfullittleloverr: A psychologist...

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:41:42 -0800

umistakemeforstraight:

fearfullittleloverr:

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!

I think this just changed my life.

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:41:28 -0800

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:41:15 -0800

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:41:02 -0800

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:40:49 -0800

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:40:21 -0800

"I hate people who write off other people’s talents just because of their taste in movies. I left..."

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:40:02 -0800

“I hate people who write off other people’s talents just because of their taste in movies. I left film-school for that very reason. The first thing the teacher told us was “If you want to make Terminator 2, leave now” and I was like, fuck you man. There could be a kid sat in the corner disheartened because Terminator 2 is the movie he wants to make, that’s his vision and here’s the teacher telling him he can’t do that. He had no fucking right, none of us do. Besides, I think Terminator 2 is a pretty kick-ass movie.”

- Paul Thomas Anderson (via grrizlybear)

zodiacsociety: How To Care For Your Taurus:

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:39:51 -0800

zodiacsociety:

How To Care For Your Taurus:

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:39:36 -0800

northerndownpourlights: teebag: loveislikepaint: rachelzaney: ...

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:39:10 -0800

northerndownpourlights:

teebag:

loveislikepaint:

rachelzaney:

I WOULD WORK OUT EVERY DAY IF MY WORK OUT PARTNER WAS A WALRUS

Omfg that walrus is doing sittups. Omfg

does it even lift

How not to reblog

OMFG”Does it even lift’

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:37:33 -0800

underboobprince: the fact that i have to choose between my grades and my own mental and physical...

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:37:13 -0800

underboobprince:

the fact that i have to choose between my grades and my own mental and physical health is really fucked up

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:36:48 -0800

"Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee..."

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:36:27 -0800

“Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.”

- The Winter of the Air (via sourwolfie)

rubee: i told you not to fuck with me

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:35:59 -0800

rubee:

i told you not to fuck with me

When I was 16, I had a fake I.D. and decided to go to a gay bar by myself because some friends bailed on me. While there, an older gentleman bought me a drink. He wasn’t a creeper, and he definitely wasn’t unattractive. I accepted the drink and began talking to him. No big deal. As the hour progressed, I felt myself feeling strange. I mentioned that I felt like I had a headache, and this guy helped guide me out of the bar. As we were walking down the street, the thought of, ‘Oh god, he’s drugged me, I’m going to die’ came to my head. I tried to get away, but I was so drugged up that I could barely walk, let alone speak. It also didn’t help that I had really large ‘goth’ platform shoes because I was going through a phase. Anyway, this guy brought me to his suv and began undressing me. As a final act of defiance, I hit him over the head with my platform shoe. He then punched me, and I remember thinking, ‘Why don’t they ever give workshops to gay guys about being victims of rape too?’ While I was as careful as possible, I never saw the guy slip something in the drink. I even watched the bar tender make the drink. Anyway, I lied there completely paralyzed while this pervert was lubing up. I locked eyes with his for a moment, and that’s when it happened. A very large and angry drag queen opened the door of the vehicle and beat the shit out of my attempted rapist. She and her other drag friends helped dress and care for me while the police arrived. I was saved by a group of guardian drag queens. They were basically the modern day ‘angels from heaven.’

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:35:45 -0800

hunter-avenger-consulter-grimm:

jawnn-locked:

visiovisusvidere:

sonicghost:

milesjai:

videk:

welcome-to-the-sinners-ball:

imgayitsok:

God bless drag queens.

I will always reblog this

Whenever drag queens are present, you best believe they will save the fuckin day.

Oh fuck yes.

If this isn’t on your blog I’m judging you.

Every time a bell rings, a drag queen gets his wings.

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 15:35:35 -0800